Manners

The NYT has a column on “One Hundred Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do,” and I agree with nearly everything on the list (the only exception: as an indecisive eater, I like it when someone tells me what their favorite dish is). In terms of of pet peeves while dining my #1 complaint is

17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait.

I am a slow eater, usually because if I am out to eat with people, I do a lot of talking. It makes me feel self-conscious and rushed if my plate is the only one left on the table. A table is either clear or it’s not. If some are not done eating, just leave the table uncleared until everyone is.

I also found these two to be quite interesting:

42. Do not compliment a guest’s attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else.

46. Never acknowledge any one guest over and above any other. All guests are equal.

These speak to the situation that I was in during my flight when the flight attendant called me “sweetie.” People don’t realize how insulting compliments can be to the surrounding uncomplimented. I don’t know what the answer is to this problem because compliments are mostly nice, polite things that make the receiver feel good, but they can also lead to feelings of exclusion or inadequacy if you are the one who goes unnoticed and unappreciated. Very interesting that not complimenting is seen as polite in the service industry. I wish that it would extend to other areas of life, too.

 

My New Favorite Emo Boyfriend

This is Conor Oberst. He is my new favorite emo boyfriend.

I have never actually dated an emo guy, but I fantasize about it.

A LOT.

Especially when I get an emo waiter at a local establishment.

Anyway, I like Conor’s music, and  I think it is meant to be because he already has a song about me. The lyrics go like this, but you  have to imagine that he is on the verge of tears/trembly voice all on your own:

and laura’s asleep in my bed
as I’m leaving she wakes up and says
“I dreamed you were carried away on the crest of a wave
baby don’t go away, come here”

I am particularly obsessed with the song “First Day of My Life”  from his band Bright Eyes. I’ve been listening to their album (I’m Wide Awake It’s Morning) quite a bit lately. In fact, on Saturday, I organized all of my filing cabinets and shredded old papers while blaring his emo stylings.

Don’t be jealous. Your life could be cool like that, too.

Midterm Blunder

I made a big teaching mistake this week. Instead of giving 3 exams like I have in the past, I decided to just have a midterm and final this semester. I also wanted to write more creative and challenging questions. All of this contributed to the test being longer and more difficult than what some of the students could do in 75 minutes.

I gave a curve, and the distribution turned out pretty well for most students. My best students were able to complete it in an hour, and most of the poor students were nowhere close to being done (and I don’t think that extra time would have helped the quality of their responses). But there were a few students who were good or average students who might have benefited from extra time, and this makes me feel like I was being unfair to the students who just happen to be slow test-takers and rewarding students who are faster. The general rule of thumb that I abide by is that prepared students will be faster, but I know that I would be frustrated if I actually knew the material but simply was unable to write it down because of time.

This has been a big lesson for me when I write future exams. I don’t think that college students in a 300-level class should expect 30 minute or less exams, but it is also unfair of me to write a 90 minute exam and make them take it in 75. I feel terrible, but I guess that these teaching mistakes happen to the best of us. I’ll do better in the future!

My New Favorite Sitcom

If you are not watching “Modern Family,” you are missing out! It is the best new sitcom in years, and one of the few shows that makes me literally laugh out loud. Not just amused, not just entertained, not just liking the characters, but actually laughter-inducing. The last show that I liked this much and made me giggle was How I Met Your Mother.  I still love HIMYM even though it is less funny than it was during the first two seasons – which is why I want to encourage you to catch up/start watching Modern Family before it’s too late and it gets unfunny. I have a feeling that it might go stale by next season, but for now, it is the best sitcom on TV. I am one of those people who can usually anticipate dialogue (if one character says something, I just know how the other will respond) and can predict “surprise” endings (of course it was George who got hit by the bus!), but what I like about Modern Family is that I can’t do that (yet). And if you don’t want to commit to the series, I  recommend that you watch the pilot. I still laugh when I think about a couple of those scenes, and I saved it in my DVR in case I ever need a guaranteed pick me up.

My New Favorite Dish

One of the things that I like about reading other people’s blogs is getting recommendations and inspiration for food, clothing, projects, and entertainment. Over the past few weeks, I have been thinking about all of the new discoveries that I absolutely love, and I am going to make it a point to share them with all of you.

First up, Kashi’s Mayan Harvest Bake. As most of you know, I don’t really cook much, but I do microwave. This Kashi entree is so freaking outstanding that when it went on sale at the grocery store, I bought 10 boxes. I like to eat it for breakfast because the creamy polenta is like oatmeal and the plantains provide that fruity morning kick. I love how unique the flavor is, and I find that it is a satisfying meal. I have tried other Kashi dinners, and I don’t like them at all. This one is quite exceptional. Go out and buy it, yum!!!

Don’t Call Me Sweetie

“Would you like anything to drink, sweetie?” the male flight attendant asked me.

I cringed. I hate when strangers who were born after 1940 call me “sweetie.”

“Just some water, thanks,” I replied

“No problem, sweetie,” the male flight attendant says with a smile and then turns to my seat-mate, an overweight, perspiring woman who is about the same age as me, and asks, “What about you?”

He turns to the drink cart and as he hands me the cup of ice water, he says, “There you go, sweetie.”

My seat-mate turns to me as he goes back to fix her drink and says, “He calls you sweetie…”

I smile at her as I start shaking my head incredulously, thinking that she probably thinks that it is as ridiculous and condescending as I do.

But then she finishes her sentence, “…And I got nothing.”

I didn’t know what to say so I kind of shrugged and awkwardly turned back to my book. I felt bad.

——————————————————————————————————–

This situation is exactly the type of perceived interactional inequality that I like to study. Why did he call me “sweetie” and not her? Why was I offended that he called me that and she was offended that he didn’t? Why did she make that remark to me about it? What could I have possibly done, and how should I have responded?

The subtle power and gender dynamics in these really minor situations speak to larger issues. The stereotype is that vain and petty women compete for men’s attention and in order to determine their self-worth. In my experience, the way that men evaluate and comment on women’s appearance at the expense of another is an uncomfortable competition, not one that is always sought or desired. Of course, it is also notable that men are rarely held accountable for favoring certain women over others. For instance, on the plane, the woman made her comment to me, not the male who slighted her. Perhaps she was just an oversensitive person, one who is more willing to share her perceived put-downs openly. Still, it must have meant something to her, at least in the moment, and I know that I felt uncomfortable about it. The most remarkable part is that it all stemmed from a 30 second interaction.

I think that I was rude to ignore her when she said that, but I didn’t what to say. I’m curious: How do you think I should have responded to her comment?

Weekend in PA

I have two main observations from my action-packed and emotional trip home this past weekend.

(1)  My hometown is not a place that I have ever really missed. I spent most of my life there feeling like a caged animal and could not wait to get out to The Real World. My bizarro town is the the type of place where Sarah Palin would feel at  home, but not me. So it was strange when I was struck by an overwhelming sense of homesickness upon my return. Getting older has really softened my gaze, and I’ve experienced enough to know that there are pros and cons of any location. Most of all, I realized that I miss my family, and perhaps part of what has not been right about my life in grad school is that I have grown disconnected from them. I only go back to visit a couple times a year, and I have distanced myself even more since my Nan died. I’m not saying that I want to go back there to live permanently, but I wouldn’t mind getting a job in Pennsylvania and being a bit closer to my birthplace.

(2) At the wedding reception, I was seated with a couple of my old friends from high school. It was so much fun to reminisce and gossip about people and memories that have not crossed my mind in years. Nobody really gets what it was like to grow up there and face  these ridiculous, rural adolescent situations unless you actually did. It was so affirming to see that my friends in high school are exactly the type of people who I would be friends with today. They are smart and funny and doing cool things with their lives. We always thought that we were too cool for school and too good for where we grew up, so it’s nice to see that it actually worked out. I’ve also realized that people don’t change very much since high school; it’s just their lives that do. When reunited, we all had the same personalities, same dynamic, same laughter. It was nice, and I really wish that I had kept in better touch with people over the years. I am going to resolve to do so from now on.

I vow…

To my future spouse:

I vow to never call you “hubby” or “hubs” in public or private ’til death do us part…and beyond.

You’re welcome,

Biscotti

An Exciting Week Ahead

It’s hard to believe that it is mid-October already! The semester is really flying by now.

There are a few things coming up that I am really looking forward to and will just add to the rapidity of this month.

First, I have been thinking for awhile about what I should do to prevent that stuck feeling that I had last Spring. I am a creature of habit and it is all too easy for me to just sink into a pattern of “the usual.” I have always been interested in spirituality and I have read many books about Buddhism and Eastern religions. The next level is for me to start interacting with people who study and teach these things. So, I have found myself a spiritual guru who I am going to meet this week. I expect that it will be part therapy/part meditation and mindfulness. I’m really looking forward to doing this, and maybe I can even start going to spiritual retreats over the next year or so.

Second, I am going home this weekend for a friend’s wedding. She is the first of my high school friends to get married, so it will be a really significant and pivotal moment for me. I’m sure it will mean something to her as well…haha. I guess that is what it means to be 25. People start growing up and I’m staying the same. See, I really do need a spiritual guide!

I will keep you all updated!

Too Much TV?

Over dinner conversation at a friend’s birthday celebration, I realized that I watch a lot of TV. Well, a lot more than I used to watch. In fact, at the end of my first year of grad school, I almost canceled my cable entirely because I so seldomly watched it. (Instead, I watched Sex and the City on DVD – the entire series, over and over).

Two things happened that significantly altered my TV habits. First, I started teaching which left me so physically and mentally drained at the end of the day that I just wanted to veg out on the couch and do something mindless after 8pm. Second, I got DVR and it became so efficient to watch TV that I slowly expanded the number of shows that I watch.

So here it is – my DVR list:

The Biggest Loser

Dancing With The Stars (I know, so cheesy, but I fastforward through most of it, anyway)

How I Met Your Mother

House

Flashforward

Grey’s Anatomy

Modern Family

Community

30 Rock (when it starts again!)

The Office

I also DVR my soap opera (Y&R), The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and Oprah although I don’t watch them every day and usually delete them without watching. I just like to keep them on hand in case I am in the mood.

Plus, this doesn’t even account for the fact that I am trying to watch the entire SERIES of Lost and Mad Men on DVD.

Can I get a PHD in TV? Please?