Gimme Shelter

Social networks are a pretty hot thing in sociology these days, but I really have not read much in that area. However, one SN catchphrase that has come to mind lately is “the strength of weak ties.” Those kinds of distant connections are often useful on the job market for unadvertised, word of mouth openings.

Since I do not have a job, nor will I until I am at least 30 years old, I have decided to exercise my weak ties to try to worm my way into the ever competitive New York real estate market so that I have a place to stay for a few weeks this summer.

There is something so magical – serendipitous! – about deciding to do something like return to New York for an extended stay, and then putting it out in the world and just seeing what will happen. I have been asking various people from my former NYC life if they know of any cheap sublets or friends going on vacation for a couple weeks, and it is really fun to see what solutions they come up with, who they think of, and the advice they give me as we all toss around ideas regarding the sheltering and maintenence of Laura.

It is so nice to have an adventure to look forward to, and I am not sweating the details. Unlike so many other trips and life decisions, I am not overthinking this. If I am fortunate enough to stay for a month, great! If it is two weeks, wonderful! I just want to be there for as cheap as possible. I will stay in a closet, in a borough, in a crazy cat lady’s apartment. Doesn’t matter. There are no long term consequences to this decision. I’m just going back to visit for a few weeks. Who cares where I live? This kind of freewheeling, frivolity of spirit makes it that much more fun.

The least of my concerns is scheduling or housing. The things that are most important to me about this return trip are:

1) Reconnecting with the people from that second great phase of my life: The College Years. I want to spend time with the exceptional New Yorkers I left behind. I want to be around those people who I find interesting in an intrinsic way, not because of my relation to them. There are quite a few people that I absolutely can’t wait to see again.

2) One of my best qualities, in my own assessment, is my curiosity. It will be really fun to wander once again, and to stumble across the art and culture that is housed in museums and alive on the street.

3) In a strange way, I am looking forward to the peculiar loneliness that comes from living in New York and being surrounded by millions of people. Some people do solo treks in the wilderness or summit mountains in order to find themselves. For me, I have to go to the city. If it is a successful trip, I will have stayed long enough to want to leave.

4) One of the areas of personal growth that I really want to work on this summer is clarifying my values and sense of purpose. Over the years, I have learned how to love fully and stopped loving only half-way out of self-protection. I follow my feelings in an honest way. But I am still not able to be unapologetic about doing this. I always tell myself that I need to control my feelings or that I am “too” sensitive, “too” emotional, “too” demanding, “too” much to handle. I tell myself that when I meet the right guy he won’t make me feel like “too” much; I won’t be a burden. Or, I say that I need to work on myself. I see it is a problem that I want so much from other people and feel so deeply. I tell myself that eventually, I will figure it out and I will be happy and calm and collected and easier for other people to deal with.

But I want to move beyond those two excuses, those silly apologies. Why is it a bad thing? Why should I apologize for being deep and sensitive and caring and neurotic and loving and demanding and a pain in the ass and honest and blunt and all of those things that make me a passionate, fully alive person? Why do I want to be able to suppress those things or be with someone who dulls me to the point of not needing to express those things anymore?

Being easy to live with does not necessarily make anyone happy.

Deep Gladness/Deep Hunger

“If we don’t offer ourselves to the unknown, our senses dull. Our world becomes small and we lose our sense of wonder. Our eyes don’t lift to the horizons; out ears don’t hear the sounds around us. The edge is off our experience, and we pass our days in a routine that is both comfortable and limiting. We wake up one day to find that we have lost our dreams in order to protect our days.” —Kent Nerburndiscontent:
1. a. Absence of contentment; dissatisfaction
b. A restless longing for better circumstances
2. One who is discontented

While I am deeply glad for my life in Bloomington, I also have a deep hunger to go somewhere else. I need to recharge, to ward off stagnation, to seek and explore and grow. Go away and come back better.

I have decided that I need to spend a few weeks back in New York. Things will get straight there. Restoration. Purpose. Enthusiasm.

It is much needed.

Fat Rant

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Via NYT’s guide to YouTube.

This is the type of positive message that interests me in the obesity/body issues that I devote so much of my time to researching.

This girl is awesome!

Planning my Return

In a matter of weeks I will be back in Manhattan.

Hallelujah!

A Bachelor Party Ethnography

On Friday, Jennifer threw a faux bachelor party and being the relentless social scientist I am, I chose to interview everyone at the party.

The question du jour was: “Have you ever had unemotional sex?”

The follow up options were: “If not, when will you?” and “If so, when will you do it again?”

I also allowed people to offer their definitions of unemotional sex.

Here are the results from my invalid, unreliable, biased, unethical, non-confidential, and non-random sample:

R1:
Have you ever had unemotional sex?
No, I have never had a random hook up.

If not, when will you?
Probably never. I need feelings. I need to feel.
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R2
Have you ever had unemotional sex?
No. I mean, yes. Does worrying about the consequences count as emotions?

When will you?
32 days. I want to have cold, dead sex in 32 days.

———————————————————————–

R3

Have you ever had unemotional sex?
Daily. Actually 2-3 times a day.

If so, when will you do it again?
Life is about having fun. I only married him because he needs to feel emotional.

—————————————————————————-

R4 (R3’s husband)

Have you ever had unemotional sex?
Huh?

——————————————————————————–

R5

Have you ever had unemotional sex?
Yes. It is when you have sex with a person that when you wake up, all you can think about is getting away from them.

If so, when will you do it again?
Next time that my inebriation and horniness meet at that special point.

—————————————————————————————–

R6

Have you ever had unemotional sex?
No, I am a virgin.

When will you have any type of sex?
When I find a man who can adequately flatter, worship, give total adoration and utter devotion, and complete giving of life to appreciating the goddess I am.

———————————————————————————–

R7

Have you ever had unemotional sex?
Sure, I am dating Oliver.

When will you?
I am always looking for robotic sex. Also, disgust is an emotion.
—————————————————————————————–

R8

Have you ever had unemotional sex?
Actually, I am a head virgin.

When will you?
As soon as possible. Anytime and forever.

————————————————————————————-

R9

Have you ever had unemotional sex?
No, unfortunately. I am looking for a one night stand. I have had the opportunity but it was untaken advantage of in the past.

When will you?
When I meet a guy who is 10 inches.

—————————————————————————–

R10

Have you ever had unemotional sex?
I can’t say that I have.
If not, when will you?
Well, if this guy doesn’t love me, I will be looking for 3-4 sex partners.

———————————————————————————

R11

Have you ever had unemotional sex?
Yes, it was awesome. Live in the moment.
If so, when will you do it again?
I don’t know but casual sex is more fun than you think it would be. It can be legendary.

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How Whiskers is Spending her Summer Vacation

Awesome friends….

*call you in the middle of the night to tell you that Fergalicious (Lauralicious) is playing at the bar they are at.

*Email to tell you that you are not China

I love you guys!

Would you support your country even if your country was in the wrong?

So it appears that I have developed two distinct coping mechanisms for when I am in crisis. If I have been wronged, I cope through vigorous physical activity such as running to the point of total exhaustion. However, if I am the vehicle of wrongdoing, it seems that I like to comfort eat. After a pan of brownies and the better part of a pint of B&J this week, I have grown positively zaftig. Will someone please screw me over so that I can run enough to burn off approximately 15,000 calories?!

Putting this on the scale of a global analogy, I have decided that I basically have the moral compass of a country like China. I’m certainly not malevolent. I am no North Korea! But there are some human rights violations going on and even though great strides have been made in harnessing the power for good, the jury is still out. Why can’t I just be sweet, boring, irrelevant Canada? At the very least, my waistline would appreciate the moral simplicity of being a Canuck.

Tired Excuses

Over the sea and far away She’s waiting like an iceberg Waiting to change But she’s cold inside She wants to be like the water All the muscles tighten in her face Buries her soul in one embrace They’re one and the same Just like water The fire fades away Most of everyday is full of tired excuses But it’s too hard to say I wish it were simple But we give up easily

Uninspired

It is now May 24. That means that it has been about a month since the semester ended. And a month since I have done any sociology-related work.

The first week I went home to attend to the family part of my life that I had been neglecting.

The second week I decided to attend to the cleaning and organizing my apartment part of my life that I had been neglecting.

The third week I started thinking about doing work but rationalized that it is summer and perhaps I should enjoy another week of relaxation and spending time on the friend part of my life.

But now, this fourth week – I don’t even know what to say. I am so uninspired. I have been reading the books for the book club. I read the New York Times online. I read malicious celebrity gossip websites. But I cannot bring myself to read the 40 articles that I have on my floor or the dozen books that I bought over the semester but didn’t have time to read.

I’ve got nothing.

My masters is at an impasse. I don’t know what else to research. I don’t have a project or a lit review or a class. I can be the biggest workaholic in the world and have a really great attention span but if I lose steam, I can just sort of float around, undirected and aimless. Grad school is fine during the semester because there is no time to really think about anything or to lose focus. The whole time I always wanted more time to be able to read and reflect and absorb all of the things I was learning. Now, I have all the time in the world but I have become dull.

I kind of wish that I could be living in a city, writing for a women’s magazine, traveling the world, making money. My own life is so unstimulating right now that the best I can do is imagine another one that would inspire me or allow me to do interesting work. I need to be able to make myself get that out of this first summer after the first year of grad school, and that’s not going too well right now. Inspiration cannot be forced. I hope it comes some other way – and soon.